Santa Cookie
by The Bunnies Will Kill Us All
Summary: Xmas fic. Asa finds a little Christmas cheer and there is one less lonely soul in the world. AsaOC. Fluff. Merry Christmas '08!


_**Santa Cookie**_

By The Bunnies Will Kill Us All

A/N: Merry Christmas! I hope everyone has a great day, and to celebrate here's a little Christmas fluff. Because seriously, who doesn't love Christmas?

**24****th**** December, 2000**

He was kind of sick of always being alone.

First Manfred… then his dad… his new 'friends'…

Did anyone actually care about _him_?

His father had – but he was not in this world anymore. The grief was almost alien; the concept of death was too difficult to comprehend. Because he _remembered_ – he saw his dad walking and talking and making bad jokes. He never saw a body. There was no closure in his father's death.

Manfred cared for no one – that was a no-brainer.

And as for Charlie and the rest of the Dream Team… well, they only helped him to ease off their sense of obligation. They did not care for him. He was nothing more than an ally. A business contact.

Christmas is a stupid holiday.

Yes – Christmas was a bad idea. He gazed out into the night, the town was lit with twinkling fairy lights and carollers roamed the streets, their voices vibrating with merriment despite the frost that glazed the town. Everyone was happy, everyone was singing and dancing and kissing.

He hated it. He hated the romance and the joy and the fake optimism of this consumer-driven holiday.

He himself was sitting in a diner, staring out the window. It was Christmas Eve. The only night of the year that children actually went to bed early without being asked.

A plate was placed down in front of him.

It was a Santa cookie. It was covered in icing and sprinkles and jam. It had a hat, and a big, cheesy smile.

He looked up at the waitress disdainfully.

"What is this?"

"That's Christmas cheer, that is." She smiled brightly, holding a coffee pot aloft. She was wearing one of those tacky diner getups, with a nametag that read '_Ashley_'. She looked pretty tacky herself, he thought sourly. With diner hair that looked like something out of a 60's horror movie.

He glared at the waitress coldly, and then down at his disgustingly sweet looking Santa cookie.

"I'm not paying for this."

She just smiled a glowing, dimpled smile, and sat down opposite him, much to his horror, and refilled his coffee cup. He grunted and leant back, crossing his arms and closing his eyes.

"I'm not going to eat it, so you might as well just take it away," he hinted. He wondered vaguely why she wasn't leaving. She made no move to take the plate away from him.

"Why, aren't you festive?" she smiled widely, leaning forward a little to compensate for his leaning back.

"Why are you here?" his voice was sharper than he meant it to be, "don't you have a boyfriend to shag or something?"

The waitresses face fell slightly.

"No," she said quietly, looking down, hurt. Asa felt a slight pang in his chest. He leant forward a little.

"Oh…. Sorry." He muttered awkwardly.

"So why… are you here?" the waitress asked, nothing by plain curiosity and something that resembled pity on her face, "don't you have a girlfriend to shag or something?" she mocked.

"Huh!" he laughed bitterly, "as if!"

She waited for his answer, smiling sadly at him. He caved.

"I don't really… have anywhere to go."

"Oh," the waitress said, surprised.

"My mother is out of town at the moment," he didn't know why he was volunteering so much information to this stranger, but it came out easily, "she's going to visit my dad's relatives. But she didn't want take me – apparently they weren't too thrilled with my parents getting married in the first place and she didn't want me to hear all the crap that they would start blurting out."

"That must have been tough for your parents – dealing with crappy relatives is a pain."

"Yeah," he sighed, "but they deserve to know as much as anyone."

"Know what?" the waitress asked. He looked up at her, as if seeing her for the first time. Her hair was actually kind of cute, he noticed. A little too whimsical, perhaps, but it was shiny and dark brown, and it did brighten up her lovely face. She was of average height, curvy and solid. No – upon reflection she was kind of pleasing to look at, he decided.

"My father died – earlier in the year," he said softly. He sighed, he was sad, but he couldn't block out all the thoughts of her lovely figure.

"It must be hard," she said softly, "I'm Ashley, by the way."

"Asa," he felt the corner of his mouth twitch upwards, "so why don't you have a boyfriend to shag, anyway?"

"He died – earlier in the year," she grimaced, "he had a heart condition. Forgot his meds."

"I'm really sorry…" he murmured, then a bright idea struck him.

He pushed the plate towards her.

She looked up at him in confusion.

"Christmas cheer," he explained, "you looked like you could use some. It's disgustingly unhealthy, but I imagine it does the trick."

"You need a place to stay," she said suddenly.

"It would be nice, yes."

"I have space," she said hesitantly, "just for tonight. It's Christmas Eve, you can't be on the streets tonight. We'll have hot chocolate and I'll force you to watch all the TV Christmas specials with me. Come on, I promise you'll be miserable."

"Really?" he asked, eyebrows raised, "I can crash?"

"I just… don't want to be alone…" she said quietly, adverting her eyes.

"It sounds fine to me." he said hesitantly, "but no hot Chocolate. I hate that stuff."

**24****th**** December, 2008**

"Come on, just one sip?" Ashley pleaded, shuffling closer to her boyfriend on the couch, holding out the steaming cup of chocolate goodness like an offering.

"No," he growled, "I _hate_ hot chocolate. You _know_ that. I told you the first time I met you."

"Just one _teensy_ sip?" she pleaded, caressing the side of his face lovingly.

"We have this fight every damn year – no!" Asa snapped, pushing the offending cup away.

She huffed and set the cup down on the table.

"You are _impossible_."

"_I'm_ impossible?" he turned on her furiously, "you made me drive to six different places looking for the perfect damn Christmas tree! It was hours and hours of hell! If I ever hear the phrase '_it just doesn't smell right_' ever again I will go homicidal on everyone! And the _lights_! The damn Christmas lights! I nearly electrocuted myself putting those goddamn energy suckers up for you! And then after all of that you _still_ try and force some vile loved-up holiday drink down my throat!"

"Okay!" Ashley cried, "I may have gone a little overboard this year, but honey, the kids love the lights and the tree is perfect."

Charlie Bone poked his head around the corner; he had come to drop off Christmas presents on behalf of his children.

"Are they like this every holiday?" he asked Asa and Ashley's daughter, Alice, in a low voice.

"No," the little girl replied, "Christmas is special."

"Huh…" Charlie looked at the argument doubtfully.

"A LITTLE OVERBOARD!?!?! THE ONLY THING MISSING IS A TROUPE OF DANCING MIDGETS AND PERHAPS A COUPLE OF GOLDEN SHOW ELEPHANTS!" Asa yelled.

"JUST DRINK THE DAMN HOT CHOCOLATE!!!" Ashley shrieked.

"NEVER!!!"

"Er, look, kid, I'm going to give the presents to you," Charlie said in a panicky voice, piling gifts into the little girl's arms "and them I'm gonna go."

Alice sighed, "Bye, Charlie."

Charlie quickly departed, leaving nothing but a puff of smoke behind.

"YOU ARE SUCH A GRINCH, ASA PIKE! WHY THE _HELL_ DID I MARRY YOU??"

"YOU PROBABLY HAD A SEIZURE FROM ALL THE _HOT CHOCOLATE_ YOU DRANK!"

"AND NOW YOU'VE GONE AND KNOCKED ME UP _AGAIN_-"

"What?" Asa's eyes widened.

Ashley swallowed nervously.

"Er… it's nothing too important… I'm just… pregnant… again… and you know, pregnancy generally leads to an… an infant…"

"You're… pregnant?" Asa sounded horrified.

"We've done it before," Ashley said encouragingly.

Asa paled. Dark memories came flooding back. Ashley in hormonal rages, midnight trips to the 24-hour grocer to get more craving food, and then, worse, a baby's screaming at two in the morning, being reduced to more or less a comatose state under the pressure of raising a child, no sex for months and months…

"Jesus Christ, babe!" Asa exclaimed hopelessly, "you didn't take a pill?"

"You didn't use a condom!" Ashley shrieked, "This is all YOUR FAULT!!!"

"MY fault?!" Asa hissed, "It's not my fault that you can't keep your legs shut!!!"

"HOW DARE YOU!!! I AM IN A FRAGILE STATE!!!"

"And who's fault is that!?" Asa demanded.

"It's _yours!_" she shrieked again, "you've just _got_ to repopulate the freaking species, don't you?!?!"

"I can't believe you! After all-"

Alice sighed. Her twin brother, Andy, came up behind her.

"Mum's pregnant?" Andy deduced, watching the two fight heatedly on the couch.

Alice nodded.

"I swear, every year." Andy groaned.

"Like clockwork," Alice agreed, "It's why we're all born late September."

"And they fight…"

"… I wonder why?" Alice thought curiously.

"Unsolved mystery," Andy muttered, "in any case, I don't feel like asking."

The two watched in silence for a moment. Ashley hurled a plate at Asa, who got hit on the eyebrow. He was howling in pain before long.

"No, that would be bad." Alice said finally.

"Yeah…" Andy agreed, "Want to go and hide the good china from mum?"

"Sounds like an idea."


End file.
